There’s something no one tells you when you get engaged: the second you start planning your wedding, suddenly everyone has an opinion. Your great-aunt wants a church ceremony. Your mom thinks a sweetheart table is too “lonely-looking.” The internet is yelling about first looks, first dances, and whether or not you have to cut a cake.

Here’s the thing: none of it matters unless it matters to you.

Your wedding isn’t a checklist. It’s not a performance. It’s not a Pinterest-perfect series of events that you’re obligated to include. It’s your day—so prioritize making it feel that way.

Ditch the Traditions That Don’t Serve You

Not sure if you actually want to do a bouquet toss? Hate the idea of being announced into the reception? Feel weird about a big, scripted first dance? Here’s your permission slip to skip it.

Some of the most unforgettable weddings I’ve documented have been the ones where couples ditched the things that didn’t feel right.

Instead of generic entrees, one couple served a buffet of pizzas because that’s what they ate on their first date.

Another got ready together in the morning because it felt more “them.”

One couple threw out the whole idea of a timeline and spent their wedding day in a rented Airbnb, drinking whiskey with their best friends before saying “I do” at sunset.

Your wedding should feel like a reflection of your relationship, not a performance for an audience.

Make Room for What Matters

When you look back at your wedding photos 10, 20, 50 years from now, what do you want to see?

• Your best friend fixing your dress and hyping you up before the ceremony?
• Your partner wiping a tear away during your vows?
• The way your grandma held your hand during family photos and didn’t let go?

These are the moments that will mean everything down the road. Not the chair covers. Not the seating chart. Not the stuff.

Make space in your timeline for the things that make your heart swell.

Plan an unhurried morning with your favorite people. Sneak away for a few minutes post-ceremony to just be together.

Soak it in.

Because at the end of the day, that’s what you’ll remember—the people, the emotions, the feeling of it all.

Choose a Location That Feels Like You

Your wedding venue isn’t just a backdrop—it sets the entire tone for your day. If you’re craving a wedding that feels intimate, freeing, and authentic to you, the space you choose should reflect that.

Think about the energy of different spaces. Large, dark ballrooms or grand churches might work for some, but if you want to feel fully present, connected, and at ease, consider a setting that allows you to breathe. Open-air venues, cozy estates, gardens, modern lofts with natural light, or even your favorite place in nature—these are the kinds of spaces that foster real moments and create a vibe that feels effortless and warm.

Your venue can be more than just “pretty”—it can hold meaning. Maybe it’s the place where you had your first getaway together, or somewhere that makes you feel completely at home. Maybe it’s an art gallery that reflects your creative side, or a vineyard where you’ve shared your favorite date nights. The best wedding locations aren’t just aesthetically beautiful—they make you feel something.

If you’re still searching for the perfect spot, start by asking:

💭 Can we truly be ourselves here?
💭 Does this space align with the energy we want for our day?
💭 Will this location allow us to feel connected, free, and fully present?

(Need ideas? Check out Best Unique Wedding Venues in New York for places that go beyond the ballroom.)

Your Wedding, Your Way: An Example “Timeline“

There’s no one way to structure a wedding day, so let’s break away from tradition. Here’s an example of how you can build a loose timeline that prioritizes what feels right to you:

Morning: Wake up slow. Have coffee together. Read handwritten letters to each other. Take a walk down the beach. Sit in a circle and have everyone tell you their favorite moment with you. Take a moment for yourself before the day begins.

Getting Ready: Do it together if that feels right, or separately with your closest people hyping you up. Have a champagne toast, play your favorite games, take a shot, or even hangout by the pool.

First Look (or Not!): See each other privately and soak in the moment—or wait for the walk down the aisle. Or hell, walk in together.

Ceremony: Skip the long speeches and make it intimate. Exchange vows in a place that means something to you. Maybe have a friend officiate or invite guests to share words of wisdom.

Cocktail Hour: Actually enjoy it. Take the time to be with your people instead of getting pulled away for endless photos.

Dinner: No stuffy seating chart—let guests roam, eat, and mingle freely. Maybe even have a long communal table for a more intimate feel.

Reception: Throw out the usual order of events. Have a dance-off, light sparklers, pass around disposable cameras, take a moment to step outside together and breathe.

Final Moment: End the night your way—run through a sea of candles, jump in a lake, take a quiet last dance, or just stay on the dance floor ‘til they turn the lights on.

Questions to Ask Yourselves When Planning Your Wedding

Every decision you make should reflect you two. Here are some questions to ask yourself along the way:

💭 Are we doing this because we actually want to, or because we feel like we have to?
💭 If no one else was watching, how would we want our wedding day to look and feel?
💭 Which traditions actually excite us, and which ones feel forced?
💭 What’s the one thing we’d regret not doing?
💭 How do we want to feel at the end of the night?

(Need help figuring it all out? Check out The Emotional Side of Wedding Planning: A Guide for Sentimental Couples.)

Own. Your. Day.

If you take nothing else from this, take this: you don’t owe anyone a “traditional” wedding. The only thing you owe yourselves is a day that feels true to you.

So screw the wedding rulebook. Tear it up. Write your own.

Because the best weddings? They’re the ones where the couple is fully present, fully themselves, and having the absolute time of their lives.

Let’s Capture It All, Your Way

If this is exactly the kind of energy you want for your wedding day, let’s talk. I approach every wedding in a way that doesn’t take you away from the experience, but allows you to be fully present with your people while still getting emotionally-charged photos that feel like home.

✨ Get in touch here and tell me all about your dreams for your wedding day!!

FAQ

What if my family wants a traditional wedding, but I don’t?

Your wedding is about you two first. Family expectations can feel heavy, but this is your day, your memories, and your story to tell. Consider a compromise where you include a small nod to tradition in a way that still aligns with your vision—like a sentimental toast, a special dance, or a meaningful family heirloom in your attire.

Can we still have a timeline if we don’t want our wedding to feel scheduled?

Absolutely. A timeline doesn’t have to feel rigid—it’s just a guideline to ensure the moments you value actually happen. Think of it as a playlist, not a to-do list. You can structure the day with pockets of time that allow for freedom, spontaneity, and movement. (Check out my post on Creating a Wedding Timeline That Feels Like You for more ideas!)

How do we make sure our photos reflect real, emotional moments?

Choosing a documentary wedding photographer (hi, that’s me! 👋) means you’ll get storytelling images that show you living your day—not just posing through it. When planning, think about what feels good rather than what looks good on paper. Consider incorporating interactive experiences (like a handwritten vow exchange before the ceremony or a private moment alone at sunset) to give space for natural emotions to unfold.

What are some untraditional ways to make our wedding meaningful?

Some ideas:

• Get ready together instead of separately.
• Have a first look with your favorite people before the ceremony.
• Skip the bridal party, or let them wear whatever they want.
• Do a champagne toast during the ceremony instead of a unity candle.
• Plan an activity instead of a reception (think: late-night pizza crawl, scenic hike, boat ride, etc.)

What’s one wedding tradition you’re totally skipping? Comment below—I’d love to hear what speaks to you!

Feature by The Design Website – a design blog discussing design disciplines, including the use of photography